D A D E E D U M M M M

2012-12-31T00:00:00.001+08:00

I'm moving (on),

2010-04-08T22:25:00.001+08:00

As much as i love you sunnyyellowbananas, i have to separate from you now. The memories i had for the past 4 months, be it happiness, sadness, anger, disappointment, or anything, shall be kept with you. Thanks for having been a part of me. Miss me not, for life is short, and it's now time i move (on).

Bye sunnyyellowbananas.
I'm oncloudten.
Ily,lj.

All the best, girls.

2010-03-17T21:45:00.006+08:00

Certain words just cannot be uttered, nor can certain words be seen or heard. For sometimes it triggers memories, memories that were sweet, yet it hurts every bit of your heart and soul now. It's such an irony how you never treasured the three words, yet when he meant something with the reversed meaning, every part of your body could feel it. Yes i can feel it. The hurt.

I had you at the wrong time.

Yet at the right time, i lost you.

Who changed? I have no idea, neither do i want to find out the answer.

Do you still have feelings for him?
...
Because if you don't, you wouldn't be feeling like this, his words and actions wouldn't have such a great impact on you.

And the answer?

Lost.

2010-03-17T10:03:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i feel like putting in your best isn't sufficient at all. I have a lot to say, it's just that i can't and I'm not going to. Maybe I'm just not that good, maybe I'm not up to your standard, maybe I've really tried but still not good enough. Maybe i never will be. Just thinking of your words make me feel like giving up. But I'm not going to. Giving up 4 months' worth of trng, it's just not worth it.

I'm sorry team, i'm sorry coach rose.

But i'm gonna try again on thursday.

Life's not always about rainbows and butterflies.

2010-03-12T22:18:00.005+08:00

Nine months back, she asked.

You still love him right?

Oh well.

In a relationship, it's 2 outputs. We give and we take. It's the imperfections that make us perfect. Both of you have a lot to talk about, maybe not as what it was before.
Why not give it a second try.

Today, the same question was posted.

Do you still have feelings for him?

What a question, what a day.

Beyond

2010-03-06T00:21:00.006+08:00

I think in the end, my mum is still the one who understands me the most. She could tell what i did, how I'm feeling, and things that happened to me. I told her everything that happened, and we talked quite a lot. I know the hard time she's going through, and she understood mine. It's just that i think maybe sometimes, life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Sometimes when people have too high an expectation of you and you fail, you'll do nothing but to disappoint them. Sometimes it's just so tiring to meet up to the high expectations others have of you. It's not that I'm being self-conscience. It's just that I've been trying my hardest, but you don't see it. It's not as if I'm being a perfectionist but some expectations do have to be met. And to you please also know that that's what you expect from me, not what i can do. Can't you see that I'm as tired as you, or even more tired? No maybe not. Because in front of most people I'm that cheerful and crazy peishan who cracks endless lame jokes and laugh non-stop. But well, sometimes i get so tired of trying to make things right when everything goes wrong that i feel like just spending the rest of my day or week alone. I really don't understand how human brains work. I don't understand how people think. I don't want to satisfy anyone, i just want to be myself. But when perspectives and opinions and biasness come into play, it's as good as impossible. I need a break.

It's going beyond my control...

And the worst part is before it gets better,

2010-02-28T08:12:00.003+08:00

I don't understand why things have to go right at the wrong time, and go wrong at the right time. My heart was beating like some screwed up idiot, yet it was aching at the same time. I thought i was over you. Well yes i am. Except that my heart was still beating for that you whom i lov(ed). I really don't understand love, and I don't understand you. Thanks for returning the text. That's where it'll end.

Managed to do a minority of my work yesterday and was really productive with my shopping. Wanted to catch a movie, but we didn't. And we went home early as the various potential mugging areas were really crowded and it would be inconsiderate to plant ourselves somewhere to study when it's a peak hour during weekend. I had a good rest for the past 2 days. It's time i get back to work today.

He spoke,

2010-02-26T01:09:00.004+08:00

It's enough, i have no idea what I'm doing. At first i thought it wasn't. Then i realise it's hanging in the midway. And i felt just like you, a jerk. I know it's not the right thing. But i just can't help thinking and feeling in a certain way. I'm not even sure which side it belongs to. But i think maybe it's time i take a break from such affairs and focus on other things.

"Maybe God wants you to focus on your studies."

I think maybe God wants me to focus on more than just that. Perhaps i think i know what i ought to do, and what i ought not to do.

Rebound system? Or not?
I have no idea and i think i shall not bother to figure out because i have greater plans to fulfill, for now.

Perhaps staying up late tonight ain't very productive academically, but right there where God speaks, i'm hearing them clearly right now.

Before it gets any better,

2010-02-24T23:33:00.001+08:00

I think maybe I'm becoming like you. It's two different kinds of feeling, but it just ain't the normal way i should feel. I'm trying hard to think otherwise. Please. Anyway, my toe nail broke into half yesterday. And i slipped outside the toilet just now. I screwed two tests in 3 days and i only have one test left to back my week up. So i spent hrs at mos burger revising my work with a few friends today. By the way, i have yet to get back my textbook. You're as irresponsible as usual. Sad for you. I shall be a happy girl and pack my bag and go to bed and continue my revision tmrw.

Love-hate

2010-02-21T23:30:00.001+08:00

I felt the heartache after reading his post, but i just wanted to laugh. No don't get me wrong, it's a love-hate relationship now. It's sort of like loving that you who was bubbly and innocent and understanding 2 years back, and hating that you now who's beyond my description. Because I'm sorry, my dictionary of words to describe you used to contain only positive ones, and i can't find any of it that fits you now. I'm just enjoying my time laughing at how fast you moved on, laughing at how naive you are, laughing at how i know sooner or later that you'll change your pair or shoes again. I don't give a damn about how you're enjoying your helium balloons nor how you're gonna count stars in the sky nor how she has to take care of you instead of you taking care of her. Stop ignoring my texts cause I just want my bloody physics textbook back.

I think guys nowadays are becoming more and more immature. So much that i'm suspecting if I'll turn into a lesbian soon.

And to add on, i lost $1.40 on banluck today. How saddening.
But on the bright side, i redid all my graphing techniques tutorials and managed to solve my parametric equations assignment. There's always a bright side to everything. And what i have for you is, i have something against jerks. And yes, i have something against you.

Can't be, and better not be.

2010-02-20T10:04:00.002+08:00

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

- Marilyn Monroe

Verse credits: joyprints

The good thing has fallen apart, now i'm waiting for all the ~~better~~ best things to fall together. Time heals, and I'm already on my way. One day I'll look back and laugh, at my stupidity that period of my life.

Today was a fairytale,

2010-02-15T23:21:00.002+08:00

This year's lunar new year had been a different one for me. Despite the fact that it doesn't feel as cny-ish, i actually felt the kinship. Other than visiting grandma's, we also headed to granduncle's ytd. The adults cabbed down while the cousins trained and walked there. That was when we had the chance to chat and talk about all sorts of nonsense. Won $4.5 from blackjack. Trained to bugis with cousins to (learn to) play pool. Speaking of which, i think my family has got such good values inculcated in the boys that I'm proud to say they're a bunch of gentlemen. Anyway i think my jump ball was totally cool and many thanks to cousins for paying for my game! Was out playing arcade and talking crap and walking around aimlessly and paying for iced milk tea with lots of coins, and drinking at mos burger till night. An equally great valentine's without you.

Today i woke up when the sun was burning my ass. Had our usual lao-ing of salmon-swordfish yu sheng at grandma's. Lesser stock this year so you guessed it, everyone was snatching the sashimi. Relatives were commenting on how we should appear on discovery channel - fastest sashimi eaters on earth.

I'm too lazy to take a bus down to the CC so I'll probably not join my relatives for badminton in the morning. They'll be coming over in the afternoon and I'll get to see them so i guess it doesn't really matter.
My eating sessions will continue till (i think) at least Sunday.
As much as i am excited over the activities i have all lined up for the next few days, i think i should switch back to my schooling mode lest i play too much and get owned by the 4 tests coming up in week 8. Partial homework-and-revision session shall resume tomorrow.

Photos are up on fb.
Shall enjoy my last day of slacking now.

Valentine's

2010-02-14T10:07:00.014+08:00

I made a wrong choice of not bringing my novels out. Anyw, I spent my new year eve working on APGP tutorials, and finishing up the set of econ case study questions. But on top of it all, i had a lot of sleep. Which was a good thing cause I've been lacking it for the past 4 weeks since school started.

I was looking through photos and reading through notes which I've kept. I find it such an irony that i was actually reminiscing certain things, and yet finding it hilarious and much of a prank I've been through. But on the bright side, i do realise how much I'm being loved by my friends and family. I won't and i don't feel negative about Valentine's Day. I'm happy for those who're attached and loved by their partners. It's just that from my perspective, i think that Valentine's Day need not necessarily be celebrated with your valentine. Especially for those who're single, i would think it's a great day to appreciate and show your love for your family and friends. Because through it all, they're the ones who will try their best to be there for you through ups and downs.

Speaking of which, i received quite a few presents on friday and together with the notes and cards, i do feel loved. Thank you everyone. And hope to those whom i gave cards/candies/presents, that you'll like what you received. C:

Time to head to granduncle's house now.
Happy lunar new year everyone!

Amazingly amusing,

2010-02-07T11:46:00.002+08:00

Now i understand why i seldom see seniors online. There's homework, projects, tutorials, assignments, one coming after another. And to add on, class tests are coming really soon. I'm not feeling stressed yet, but i need to be even more consistent with my work and revision. I've officially ended my work and i'll have more time considering that i do not have to work on Friday nights and Saturday mornings now. I think i should really make good use of my time.

This year, i don't feel the cny atmosphere. It's either I've been too busy to actually feel it, or the atmosphere just ain't there. I didn't shop for new year clothes, nor cny goodies, nor put up decoration. But on a brighter note, it'll be a longer than usual weekend break. I'm especially looking forward to Friday and Saturday!!

Anyway, I'm thinking of changing my subject combi. Please pray for me cause i need God's assurance with my decision.

Okay i should get going now. Joash's one month old lunch today.

Gonna grab some matcha milk tea on the way! :)

2010-01-22T22:31:00.001+08:00

I've almost filled up two whole pages of my planner with my list of homework and to-do(s) in just 5 senior high schooling days. Notes and tutorials are starting to pile up and econs proj is first on the list to screw my wonderful day. I don't feel the stress yet, but i have to learn to get things done and stop procrastinating cause it's not gonna get me anywhere. I had 4.5hrs of free periods in all today and i spent them completing math and chem tutorials. Say I'm a geek, a mugger, whatever. I admit, and i don't know what is becoming of me.

School and work's been keeping me busy. I've been a happy person. And i wonder if it's a good thing or am i just pretending to myself. Either way, I'm gonna be more packed with things to do. Trng's starting next week and i can't wait!! I'm gonna pluck up my courage and quit my job at sushi tei tmrw, i think. I really can't bear to but i guess i have no other alternatives. Good luck to me.

Here's what i plan to do this weekend.

Laundry. Homework. Iron uniform. Homework. Work. Homework. Mop Floor. Homework. Church. Visit Jadon & Joash & mum & sis. Homework.

I'm becoming a no-lifer. And I've got to find a day to get my room packed and unwanted books sold/thrown.

Great.

Worned out

2010-01-21T06:03:00.000+08:00

I've been so packed with things to do i haven't been having the time to blog. I reckon it'll only get worse when trng starts. It's either ending sch late or trng or work. Been asked to put 3 half days or 1 full and 1 half day for my working schedule every week. I tried one half day two days ago and i almost died the following day yawning away and trying to stay awake in class. I enjoy working at my work place a lot. Doing stupid things, laughing, and doing our duties together. But i don't think i can cope with 3 working days in a week and I'm wondering if i should just quit my job. What should i do??

On a brighter note, i prefer senior high's way of having lessons. Moving from classrooms to auditorium to having free period here and there. I'm just a little worried for my academics cause i think i have to be very consistent and that's where my weak point is. It's ok it's a new year and I'm gonna strive for the best.

I should get ready for school now. Ciao!

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going."

SPIRITUS

2010-01-16T11:12:00.002+08:00

Orientation was a blast. From house interaction to games to D.O.T.A to watafesta to amazing race to mass dance and everything. To add on, i feel accomplished for running up 21 floors in 6 minutes plus with my OG. Normally 5 floors' enough to make me feel super tired. Thank God dawn changed shoes with me or i think my feet will give up on me in those going-to-die canvas shoes. Really enjoyed myself a lot the past few day. And I'm really glad i had a super wacky OG and house. :)

Anyway i was down with flu and sore throat on the last day. Wanted to have lunch with 4f but my flu was really bad and i thought i shdn't go out and spread to more people. Trained to get my sports shoes and that was when my fever hit me. 38.7 degrees with my nose running like a tap and i could barely talk.

I'm still feeling kinda sick so i took leave for today's work. Purchased my uniform and mum had helped me to alter, wash and iron them. Gotta do laundry later and if i have the time/feel well enough, I'll head out to get other school stuffs. I think i should sleep now. The drowsiness from my medicine's kicking in.

Bye!

Trials.

2010-01-11T22:56:00.002+08:00

I got owned by higher mt. Broken the trend of As for higher mt in my family. Not that i expect a lot but Chinese genes are supposed to run in my family. I'd rather i have gotten A or C so at least I'll know where i shd go. But now, I'm considering if i shd try again and take up H1 Chinese. It's not that easy too so if i do, i'll be risking for an A or i can just go and bang myself. And if i don't take up H1 Chinese, I'll have one less subj to worry about for A's. Anyway sis, Sarah and Sara advised me not to. I really can't decide and this sucks.

-inserts sad face-

But on a brighter note, first day of orientation was great. And thanks jiayun for that hot pink item with the card. Love it ttm! I'm really pink now. Round 2 tmrw and 3D2N from wed to fri. I think I'll turn red. But who cares? Homa's gonna own mamas!

So damn excited.

Love

2010-01-08T09:45:00.001+08:00

“The irony of love is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone right after that person has walked out of your life. Sometimes you think you’re already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them, just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, letting go is one way of expressing how much they love a person, but for others it’s holding on to that special feeling as long as possible before it fades away. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, love is always present, it’s just that one was being loved too much and the other wasn’t being loved enough. We all know that the heart is the center of the body, but it beats on the left. maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just a pass time, while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here’s a piece of advice: let go when you are hurting too much. Give up when you or the other believes love isn’t enough, and move on when things are not like before. there is someone out there who will honestly love you, and only then will you know true love. ”

“One day you’re going to want that girl. That girl who knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be perfect for you. The girl who believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it, because something was better than nothing. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths, that girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. That girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that no one else has ever appreciated. The girl who realizes she may never have your heart, but will carry the image of you in hers forever. The girl who should have you, but doesn’t even though she deserves it.”

Got 'em from dilys' tumblr.
True much.

And we were just kids in love,

2010-01-06T19:19:00.000+08:00

Life is full of regrets and disappointments. Sometimes things go your way at the perfect timing, sometimes things go a little too fast and sometimes just way too slow. Once bitten, twice shy. True much. When you go through something that hurts you so much, it leaves behind scars that will never be erased easily. And when you have that fear in you, you try to do every little thing you can to prevent yourself from feeling that same way again. But it's through these mistakes that we learn, and sometimes being on guard 24/7 does nothing good other than making one feel tired. I've been thinking a lot, but making the right decisions. I know how to prioritise and differentiate between what i want and what i should do. Growing up is a scary issue. But I'm growing to be a big girl now, and i have to learn.

Yr 3 orientation is finally over, and thank God Madeline agreed to change my full-day-shift today to just half-day so that i can rest. I had 3 whole hrs of nap and 9 hrs of sleep ytd. Anyway i came across a difficult customer today. Really irritating guy. Gonna let myself enjoy some TV shows and get a good rest. Full shift tmrw, but I'm looking forward to it. :)

P.s. kids in love by mayday parade (L)

The full marathon

2010-01-04T05:56:00.000+08:00

Last lap, hang in there!

Non-stop marathon

2010-01-03T08:59:00.002+08:00

I made some plans for 2010 and i broke them on the second day. Great huh. Been busy with orientation matters as well as work. I've been sleeping slightly more than 3 hrs the past few days and i don't even have the time or energy to sit down and read my book. I think my dark eye rings are gonna be horrible. Service followed by work today and the actual orientation for year 3s starts tmrw and after those 2 days, it's full shift working for the next 4 days. Argh. But I'm looking forward to meeting Hillary later so yay! Okay gtg nao byez.

Blingblingz

2010-01-01T23:53:00.001+08:00

Wts 98.7 FM's been playing gaga's song every time i turn on the radio. Poker face. Thank God for the not-so-bad first day of 2010 but it seems to be a clumsy day cause quite a few people dropped/broke things @ work today aw. I have 10 red hot toes with legs aching from 10.5hrs of standing today. Learning bit by bit everyday and hope I'll master everything soonz. I shall go to bathe now i need to settle what I've left undone of orientation matters. It's a busy 1st jan and after scrolling through my phone calender, it'll probably be the same for the next 13 days at least. Good luck to me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2010-01-01T00:54:00.005+08:00

Was intending to bathe but bad romance was playing on the radio so here i am. Worked for 5.5hrs but i'm more tired than yesterday cause today was really crowded and busy. Yet to meet really demanding customers and i guess that's a blessing. I'm starting to get a hang of the items in the shop, duties, drinks and knowing more colleagues. Not very close to the guys yet but the girls're really nice. Thank God. Legs' breaking and toe nail's hurting because some person kicked and stepped on it while alighting from the train. Anyway i spent the first minute of 2010 refilling the ice in my fridge. And my first two conversations on msn with junjie and Mr yeo about year 3 orientation matters, and the rest started to flood. How about you? I shall make my new year resolutions and some goals for the year. It's weird but for the first time, I'm excited for the new year. For now, i shall go bathe and settle the orientation matters before hitting the bed for a talk on the phone. Ciao!

i don't wanna be friends,

2009-12-31T12:20:00.001+08:00

I think i slept too much. I'm suffering from a bad headache aw. First day at work yesterday. I stood for a whole 11.5 hrs and had a fun time taking 1 hour to reach home. But i must say time didn't pass as slowly as i thought it would. Made some new friends, and it's quite fun having them around. Anyway there was a customer who asked if I'm from China! I think he's the first person who ever asked this question. Hahaha! First day at work of my first job, and i felt a sense of accomplishment. Okay i should get some work done and get my shoes later before work. Bye!

First day,

2009-12-30T09:22:00.002+08:00

I just realise how paranoid, sensitive and not confident i am. It sucks to know the truth especially when I'm going to leave the house in another 15 to 20 minutes. The manager didn't mention anything about not having nail polish on but i reckon i should do so. -inserts sad face- Had a good talk last night. I'm going to work with just 5 hours of sleep. As much as I'm excited to get started, I'm also worried and nervous. Please please please. If any of you see this, do pray for me. Another 11 minutes to go. I shall play bejeweled now byyyeeeeeee!

Sherlock Holmes

2009-12-29T23:20:00.001+08:00

Gonna get some work done for now. First day at work tmrw. Nervous much!!

ILSGWY

2009-12-29T13:32:00.001+08:00

I'm
Not
Gonna
Let
You
Affect
Me

Immanuel

2009-12-29T11:19:00.005+08:00

Old Dogs. Singapore Idol. XPLORE.

I was looking through the pictures in my computer and i realise that we've grown a lot as a cell. From just bear and i, till i backslided and returned, bringing along peiying then cass, and now combined with the other 5 boys as a cell. We used to be so quiet, and unwilling to share and serve. But now i guess we've grown to understand each other more, and enjoying to spend time with each other. I bet we never imagined that one day we'll be like now, going out after service, laughing at random things, having internal jokes that ks and my sis don't understand, heart-to-heart talks, and even on such a pretty weekday, we're meeting up for a movie together. We started small, but we're aiming big for God. Despite all the things that may have gone wrong, despite all the things that i may not understand why, i still love each and every single one of you a lot.

To bird, i apologise for the hurt done to you in the past. But i thank God too that through Him I've changed for the better, and through Him I've got a chance to bring you to Christ and salvage our friendship. I love to grumble to you, because i know that as much as you don't wish to, you'll choose to listen. Thanks for all the shopping trips, dinners, movies, texts, helping me to find a job, always trying to be there, and many more. Not forgetting how ping1 ming4 you are for Mr. Carl's. 2010 shall be a better year for both of us ok!

To donkey, i really really really love to laugh at your reaction at anything and everything. Always full of cheem stuffs that i need time to process after hearing. Really glad to see you actively participating in God's work. Continue to reach out. It's time the cell multiply yea! Smart donkey, continue to do well in your studies too!

To bear, 2009 is (i think) the 7th year I've known you! And our 4th birthday in Christ. How time flies! And how much we've changed physically and mentally and spiritually! Thank God for you. Strong woman in Christ and always giving constructive feedback and comments. I'm proud to say you're a really good living testimony of God. Love you ttm.

To sherwin, thanks for anything and everything. It's fun and great knowing you. Always fighting with me to be the lamest. Continue chionging for rugby and school. And not to forget your family and God too. Thank God for you.

To shiyi, draw circles now! Ok no, really thank God for you too. Your sharing makes lots of sense to me sometimes. Now, don't worry too much about your O's results. I understand how you feel, cause I've felt the same way before. Rmb what everyone said, you've done your part and all things else are in God's plan. Enjoy your holiday and pray hard! Take care of your knee tooooooo.

To junhui, you're always so busy we seldom see you ard. But glad that you've always kept us updated. Really glad for what God has done in your life, and what you're doing to bring glory to Him. Praise God.

To weihao, you're always so calm and i have no idea why. Thank God for some of your family members' salvation. Man of few words but always saying constructive and reflective words during sharing. Glad to have you in the cell!

To yingjie, i don't knw you very well and neither do i understand you most of the time but i'm still glad to have you with the cell. Grow stronger in Christ and be a good testimony!

Anyway, I'm not gonna forget our dear cell leaders, KS and my sis. Thanks for always being there to guide us, teach us, give us advice and suggestions and opinions, even being accountable for all of us. God bless the both of you and thank God for you two. :)

And out of the 8 names, i think only 1 will read this post. But it's alright:)

And I'm sure when i type a post like this next year, I'll be typing for more than just the 3 girls, 5 boys and 2 cell leaders. Come on cell, we're gonna have no place big enough for cell next year yea!

Love.

I don't understand but i respect you and the promises i've given you.

two-five

2009-12-26T02:02:00.002+08:00

Skin looking good after bath but once my itchy hand went to rub my arms, the skin peeling session commenced. Again. But actually it's quite fun to peel the skin off and i know this sounds sick but whatever ha-ha. Anyway my knee is killing me. See doctor, or not? Okay not. I shall go to sleep now. Waking up early tmrw to get ~~many~~ things done. Today is the 26th and it's the best 26th of the past 6 months.

Oh and did i mention I'm going to the Singapore Idol finals?! Thanks be to Cassandra('s aunt).
I'm a happy girl:)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2009-12-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

Orientation meeting. Cookies baking. Arcade. Movie. Christmas STOMP. Countdown. Baptism service. Shopping. I reached home at 4 this morning, what a breakthrough hurhur. Great time having heart-to-heart talk with shiyi and peiying. But somehow it struck my emotions and now it's in the haywire mode. I love playing with shiyi's camera cause i can act pro with it. Sushi tei shd contact me soon about my working schedule lest i have to re-plan my week ahead. Bee tee double-you my skin is peeling after 10 days and I'm feeling irritated by it. I have no appetite for dinner and I'm gna throw the remaining food away. I know i shouldn't do this but i feel nauseous like seriously. And i just, miss you.

Bye.

Want your bad romance,

2009-12-22T20:23:00.004+08:00

It's a party in the Y.E.P!!

Went to the market for breakfast with ma ytd morning. Jiayun came over to do her hair and make-up. I guess we had a fun time learning to trust each other huh. At least I'm sure she trusted me a lot ytd. Haha, I'm proud of my art piece okay! It was scorching hot at 4 in the afternoon, and that's -thumbs down-. Took photos, had games, dance, drinks, food, and chatting sessions. I guess yep was not bad. I'm glad i chose to stay, and will be enjoying prom with my dear friends again 2 years down the road.

p.s. I just learnt that 4 inches' equivalent to about 10 centimeters. Hmm.

Woke up feeling quite sore. And so it's a stay-home-and-do-nothing day. I've been leaving the room only to grab a bite or two. Glutinous rice ballz are nice, i like the traditional pink and white ones with brown sugar syrup-soup thingy. Btw, i got my job! I suppose so right, since the person-in-charge texted me for my schedule next week. Yay, I'm pretty excited to start work. That'll be next week, so I'll just focus on enjoying the activities i have ahead for the rest of this week.

I should off the comp and let it rest, it's been active for the past 11 hrs and i need it to do my work later in the night. So bye!

Anywhere but here,

2009-12-20T21:05:00.003+08:00

Screw my sunburn it still hurts and I'm gna keep my fingers crossed that it'll not start peeling tmrw. Lucky I'm not going with some dress that will reveal my tan. I swear I'm gna go back to the beach to have a nicer tan. Shopping with Charlene today and she passed me my bday present. Some scrap booking card together with a bookmark and 2 boxes of chocs from Korea. Thanks girl! Anyway i guess i should have waited for today's shopping trip before getting my heels cause i saw nicer and cheaper and more comfortable ones and my heart's aching nooooo. I got my nails done with a plain shade of maroon. Love the colour to the max. Found the same shade of maroon @ Sasa but i didn't get it and I'm regretting now. -inserts sad face- Okay i should stop ranting. I think my digestive system is crazy, I'm getting hungry really easily these days. Shall go grab a bite. :)

jump then fall

2009-12-18T21:26:00.003+08:00

I went from House>Interchange>School>Bus Stop>SMU>Istana Park>MRT>Vivo>MRT>Ion>Wisma>City Plaza>Katong Complex>Ion>Far East> Ion>Home with less than 6 hrs of sleep. And i guess that explains why i was yawning away and that my eyelids were struggling to be kept open. Collected the nail polishes usan bought for me from drink stall uncle. 4 bottles! -jaw drops- I doubt you'll see this but thanks a lot usannnnnnn! Collected things from jiayun and had a short chat with pearlyn and her. Shopping for shoes with ma after which. Busy day but i enjoyed myself. Enjoying ma's homemade chestnut drink now. I like. Oh btw, my sunburn has turned from red to the current pinkish-brown and i think I'm gna turn black soon. The tan is super obvious! Luckily it can't be seen with my dress and let's hope my skin doesn't start peeling anytime before Monday hahaha. Anyway I received two letters this week and both of them made me shocked-happy-nervous-grateful-anything you name it. It's kind of a miracle, so thank God! Next week's gonna be really busy but it's Christmas week! I'm gonna enjoy myself this Christmas. And not to forget, I'm turning 4 years old in Christ this coming wed. (Y)(Y) Alright, i shall be off to watch TV now.

I love all of you who love and hate me woo!

But i'm sorry i dedicated more of my love for God and my mama. :)

Funny person

2009-12-18T00:23:00.000+08:00

I have to roll up the sleeves of my shirt cause the burnt areas are hurting me like kuku
Jiayun got a shock when she saw the red patches aw
I've been eating a lot of junk food
I've been spending quite a lot of looi recently
I had my job interview at cousin's work place. Turned out to be sushi tei. That's cool let's hope i can say hi to the job.
Gai gai with ma after dry run tmrw.
OH AND. Usan bought me nail polish from The Face Shop!!! I never imagined to step into etude house with her ytd and lest say to expect nail polish from her! Yay :)
I've to be in sch by 9am and my eyes are closing.
imy but
i should go to bed now.
Bye!

elevened.

2009-12-17T07:59:00.002+08:00

Patrol outing with P5 Kingfisher ytd was great. I liked the captain's ball part most. I didn't want to get wet/ too sandy but i ended up rolling on the beach and getting sprayed at the water point because yajun pressed the wrong one. Anyway when i got home, my mum was nagging at me for getting so burnt and ks kept calling me hong2 shao1 pai2 gu3/ lobster. I'm still red now, and i felt the tinge of pain while bathing. Aha whateverrrrrrr.

Going for job interview in awhile. Will be meeting cousin cause it's gna be at his work place. But i have no idea if i still want the job cause it's kind of far and they're most probably hiring students who're gna continue working when sch reopens. We'll see.

I'm gonna eat now.

Hungry!

HUNGWEEEE.

2009-12-15T11:16:00.000+08:00

I've got a few activities lined up for the next two days and i was all excited to have lots of fun under the sun and in the water but of all times, my aunt is her for her monthly visit. Cramp's here and back's hurting as usual. I reckon it'll only get worse. No panadols this time. I'm gonna ~~try to~~ bear with the pain.

Mum commented on my nails. She said it's ugly!!! But whatever i like it lor. I almost got the pastel yellow one but i thought the one at etude house's nicer. But, they had no stock yesterday (or for good i don't know). And i like the pastel blue one as well! Talking about nail polish, jiayun bought hers from The Face Shop in Korea for $1 ea!?!?! Ah okay i sound like a bimbo. I should stop.

Anyway, jadon had his usual crying routine as early as 7.30 this morning and i got woken up from my sleep. Super tired but i couldn't get back to sleep after that!

Jap buffet later, yum!

for your entertainment,

2009-12-14T23:09:00.001+08:00

I'm currently addicted to his songs. C:

P.s I bought it gold and painted them. But I'm still thinking of the pastel yellow and blue ones.
Such a bimbo.

i believe in You,

2009-12-13T22:03:00.002+08:00

The iced milk tea from simei's food court disappointed me first thing in the morning. But on a brighter note, the rest of my day was good.

"If we really multiply that quickly, are you ready and willing for it?"

Although i think willingness is the most important, i guess commitment and passion come into play as well. I was thinking about it on the train and a lot of things and words just came to my mind. But well, i guess everything is in God's timing, the perfect timing. Everything will be fine.

Met up with jiayun and we spent quite a lot today. Got to save up again cause i just don't like to have an empty wallet/piggy bank. Anyw we headed down to disturb quite a few individuals at their work place. I shall be nice and not reveal the who and when. But it was fun spotting them in the crowd heh.

Just got home and had my bath.
Gotta rest early. School tmrw sigh.

p.s. i like it gold/yellow/blue nao how?

you and i both,

2009-12-12T19:48:00.004+08:00

I see it coming, along with the signs. Great.

Today has been a good day, with a satisfying live magic show Christmas Magic @ tct. The only disappointment was missing the nations cup finals. So yes, i failed to catch the Northern Ireland team playing, again. Helped to babysit my nephew while ma prepared dinner. I got really pissed off. I let him watch the videos i was watching on youtube, carried him out to play along the corridor, watched my ma prepare dinner but he just wouldn't cooperate. Helped my ma to mop the floor after which.

Currently, my mind is running a marathon. And i hate it when it does so.

I don't even have the appetite for dinner but i have to find some way to stuff those food down my mouth and oesophagus, into my stomach. I always thought I'm a strong girl, that i can handle everything myself.

But i guess i'm not.
And sometimes, it's just too much.

cheaper by the dozen,

2009-12-11T23:48:00.004+08:00

Blogger chooses to die on me now and the tags refuse to work so I'm just gonna make this short. Yesterday, i took the train from one end of Singapore to the other end and had a good time listening to a group of boys saying lame jokes and laughing at themselves. I know that's what i do most of the time but whatever. Watched Cheaper By The Dozen and The Water boy. Both comedy but i enjoyed the first show better. (Y) Dinner plus an hour plus' journey home. Today, Natalia, peiying and i went back to school to play netball with the seniors. Great time which was accompanied with a great bath and lunch @ subway. Yum yum. Recce with hanxi and dilys was not bad too. Though the sun was burning our asses and we were perspiring profusely. Anyw i thought no one will be going for nations cup but Olivia went alone and it's kinda sad to miss the matches again. Should i head down to watch the finals after Christmas Magic tmrw? Hmm. Anyw I'm home early today, say 6? It's been long since I've had a good time having dinner, watching TV with my family, having a good bath and some time resting. It feels great. :) Next week's gonna be really packed, so i guess i should enjoy my weekend. Quite a few things i need to get, money please come to me. Everybody's working, just not me. I thought i said I'll make this post short but i think i still said a lot. Aiya i shall go to bed now. And i want to paint it soonz hoho.

Heavenly pleasures,

2009-12-09T23:30:00.006+08:00

Credits to i-forgot-who's tumblr :>

I planned to jog this morning but i decided not to since i slept late last night. So i slept till 10 plus, washed up, and stoned in front of the com for proposals. Peiying came over and i went downstairs to da bao lunch for her, mum and i. I like the mixed veg rice, i think it's good.

Out shopping with peiying after which. She got herself quite a few items! It's different when you have a job. Haha sigh. We had venezia ice scream (yes i see my typo but i decided to leave it cause i find myself stupid for typing this aw) before that. Dark choc plus rum n raisin plus yoggi flavours. $5.70, worth it! I like heh. Oh and i bought the kueh i like while shopping. And i was munching away. I like it for the taste but peiying said it tasted like flour! Okay whatever. :(

Pa and ma are both sick. Pa even lost his voice and he's feeling weak all over. Told him to visit the doc but he just refuses to. Really hope they'll get well soon.

Wanted to date my darling j out shopping tmrw but i just realised she returned only today so another day perhaps. I guess she needs the rest yeah. :)

It's 16 more days to Christmas and
33 more days to the start of school.

This holiday is really going at a high speed!

3 possibilities, 1 solution

2009-12-07T23:04:00.008+08:00

I think I'm crazy. I have the tendency to read my blog posts over and over again.

Sunday's service was inspiring. Really! Pastor Khong's sermon and Kianseh's sharing during cell. I was really motivated, encouraged, inspired, whatever you like. And so i reached out in faith, and i must say I'm surprised yet glad for the outcome. I shall continue creating miracles. :)

Got my belated birthday present from kim as well. Thanks girl, really cute stuffs. Love 'em and you too aw.

Oh yeah, anyone headed to the Netball Nations Cup? It's awesome! The national teams from Singapore, Malaysia, Tanzania, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Canada. They were all good in their own aspects. Like prem from Singapore national team. She's such a good GK! (thumbs up) Can't wait to watch the other matches!

I shall wash up and go to bed after this post.

Just a random thought,
pastel yellow or blue or pink or hot pink?

2338 yesterday, i received a mysterious call. Haha i like. :)

And right, I'm craving for xin wang hk cafe's iced milk tea now. :B

"God will never give you something you cannot handle."
I can.

can't nobody do it like you,

2009-12-06T08:20:00.005+08:00

I don't like to shop on weekends. People everywhere. I almost got banged down by the car because of a lady. First time stepping into centre point and 313. Crowded shit. Didn't manage to shop for any Xmas present. It was just way too crowded and i couldn't find anything suitable. I shall go hunting for em again. Weekends=couples all over the streets. From primary sch kids to teens to adults to ah gong ah ma. Sweet much. I was alone knw, and i kept getting weird stares from passers by. (N) I spent half my time filling in survey forms, helping people take photos and browsing through books in kino and borders. All my darlings please be back from whatever country you're in/ have off day from work/ idk what soon. Holidays are ending. That reminds me of my second nephew who will be arriving next month. Can't wait!

Gotta spend my morning in school tmrw. Getting senior high uniform after which. Really excited to see how i look with the uniform. Badminton tmrw? Or tues.

Shall see how.

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Oh how you do me
Kiss me, kiss me
Say that you miss me
Tell me what I wanna hear
Tell me you love me

05/12/09

2009-12-05T11:18:00.005+08:00

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Life has been pretty... boring. Let me tell you what i did ytd.

I woke up at a freaking 730am (my nephew smacked my bed you see).
I bathed and left the house (with my stomach growling).
I bought a kueh and orange juice (disgusting combi but nvm).
I ran for the bus and the uncle drove off (but he stopped in the end cause his friend saw me running).
I was embarrassed cause the whole interchange was staring at me and i saw some sniggers when the uncle almost went off without me.
I reached a very ulu hougang hdb flat and stayed there from 10 to about 6.30 at night (I was doing orientation stuffs la).
I had pepper lunch for lunch and kl niao me that if pepper lunch idk how to cook then other food die alr (and yknow some people cook until his rice fly out of the pan). So Sherman repeated the same words to him hahaha.
I was starving on my way home.
I almost had no dinner cause i told my mama not to cook my share cause i didn't know wht time i would finish my work.
I went home to eat the very little food leftover from dinner.
I slept at about 8.30pm and woke up at 3.45am. :D
I went back to sleep and woke up at 6.40am again.
I know i keep saying "i" but i dno why i keep saying "i" but i think i shd stop.

Today,
I (oops) woke up and went for a jog with SARAH WEE (WHEEEEEE). Breakfast was the food place at the market. Cheap and good food yum yum. (Y) Walked ard ntuc, sent Sarah off, walked back to find mummy, went back to the market again, reached home, bathed, and yeah!

Haha, this post is totally ridiculous. I'm posting for the sake of posting la wlao. I think i just wasted a lot of people's 5 mins aw so sorry:(

So many people's overseas knw. If not then they're either busy working (ahem bird you knw I'm talking abt you) or busy with cca or idk what.
And for the first time, i feel like going overseas. We'll see.

I shall type my orientation thingy now.
p.s. excited much for Xmas!

04/12/09

2009-12-04T08:27:00.003+08:00

Had trng ytd. I'm learning every trng and i hope I'll really absorb and improve. Trng will resume when sch reopens sigh. But on a brighter note, we're gna watch nations cup tgt yay. Pretzel, onion rings and nice chat with my dear girl. (Y) Gonna see her quite often the next few weeks, i think? Gonna be real busy with orientation, Xmas, and other matters. Poof, all the way!

Keep going,
God will be there.

Second chance?

2009-12-03T09:30:00.004+08:00

I slept at 1, woke up at 7 to give morning call, and went back to sleep. And my nephew went to smack my face again. He's doing that like almost every morning. Sounds cute eh, but it's not cute when you're trying to get some sleep. :(

Haven't been looking for a job/working since the borders interview. The person didn't contact me so bye bye lor. And now I've been spending my holidays going for trng, stoning at home, and nothing much cause many people are overseas and yeah. Besides, block weeks' coming up next so trng's gna stop and tht means I'll have more stoning time and i think that means i shd rly get a job? It's k, i shall wait for j to be back soon.

Christmas' approaching and I'm really excited. I remember last year's Christmas. I had a really really good time. This year might be different, but i still thank God you're ard. I love Christmas. I love the carols, decorations, and everything else. 3 more weeks, can't wait!

When you can't carry on,
When the road's way too long
Know that your not alone
I can carry you home
If you hold on tonight
I'll be there

five-one-eight,

2009-12-02T10:40:00.005+08:00

It's been five days since i last posted, and in these five days, I've been thinking a lot, and things have changed.

Kianseh wanted us to share about the things we can give thanks to God for in the year 2009 during cell. And when i really took the time to think, i realised i had a lot to give thanks to God. I started with "I thank God for all the crap I've gone through". Sounds weird but i guess sometimes it's really the trials that make us grow mentally and spiritually. I'm not giving further details but here's some things i really want to thank God for and share about on my blog.

Family problem. I guess I've become more matured and family-oriented. In the sense that I've learnt to better plan my time, going home earlier for dinner, helping to wash the dishes, managing my finance, being more independent, and much more.
Nephew. I always loved kids, until i got tested of my patience while having this little one at home. Children ain't that easy to take care of, and it really tests my patience, care, gentleness and all. Learning to carry this little one, then playing with him, teaching him things, and even making his milk sometimes. I thank God he's trng me early to be a good mum in the future. And when the second little one arrives, i believe I'll be of a better help. Haha.
Friends. I always took them for granted. Until recently, i finally realise the real importance of their presence. Reading through those small notes they wrote to me, i realise that i've always neglected the wonderful friends i have. They've been showing me care, concern and love, but i was too blind to see. And i guess every single thing one does, can really make an impact on others' life. Just as much as how I've been blessed with such wonderful friends, I'm gonna continue the blessing for others.
The many things God took away from me. I doubt many people know but since may/june, my life started to become really disastrous. Everything just doesn't seem to go my way and it sucks haha. But well, that was God's way of making me learn and grow, i think. I always took things for granted. And when i lose something, i always believe I'll find them back in a short period of time. But this time, I've learnt. I learnt that family and friends are just as important, not just your boyfriend. I learnt to prioritise my time well. I learnt to open up my eyes and see the world. I learnt to appreciate every act of kindness shown to me. Of course, there's a lot more that I've learnt that will be impossible to list them all out. But frankly, there are things that I'm still learning. But the most important thing is, there's always the other side to every story.

Okay so now, cell chalet was awesome. I was expecting stone faces, awkward moments and all but it was the opposite. Although the chalet wasn't as good as what we have expected, i think we should still thank peiying for booking and planning this chalet. And i believe we had a lot of fun and laughter tgt too!

But the best thing is, after almost half a year, I've found back what I've lost.
I guess we've learnt, grown and matured.
Although we didn't start well, we'll finish it well. Okay?
I thank God, and i thank you.

And the story continues..

don't worry, it just doesn't feel the same now.

2009-11-27T19:32:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was the 26th of November and..

i realise i was down with running nose, sore throat, cough, headache, fever exactly a month ago.
And i was down with running nose, sore throat and cough yesterday hm. I was okay when i left house but my nose started to run like a tap and my throat was so sore when i reached sch. I was holding a tissue in my hand throughout trng and it just felt horrible. Ma didn't cook and the food court was packed so i had my untoasted tuna sub for dinner. I wanted to get some things done but i was so sick i had to take the medicine which made me drowsy and so i went to bed.

But thank God.

I woke up this morning feeling quite alright despite the drowsiness and the sneeze which was accompanied with blood. Visited granduncle and grandaunty, shopped ard northpoint and trained home. Ma said i'm her maid hired from hongkong and aunts kept laughing at me! But granduncle and grandaunty said i'm a good girl aw that's so sweet. (Y) But today, i realise it's not easy being a mum. Pushing the baby pram from house to interchange, to the mrt station, in the lift, on the train, onto the bus alone is tiring. Lest say having to help to carry my nephew every now and then, helping to make his milk and all. I helped to cook pork chop for dinner and mopped the kitchen floor. It's a whole lot of work, really. I think i'm like on wep with a maid agency or sth. But i think it's quite fun haha.

I don't knw why i have so much to type on sunnyyellowbananas today but whatever! Dinner time now, super hungry! And i should really get my work done tonight.

Ciao!

24/11/2009

2009-11-25T01:58:00.005+08:00

it's a good day.

orientation meeting, lunch, talk, trng, talk, bubble tea and window-gaigai, dinner, bathe, orient stuffs. oh yeah it's a good day because i've been busy and when i'm busy i don't have to think about some people you know. cause some people don't really have the right to be in my brain, they're just not as important. i mean maybe they were la but mind games make people sick and tired and you know, eventually disgusted la aw i had two nice chats with 2 diff individuals today and i think i like to chat because chatting makes me reflect, whether i'm the one sharing or listening. i thought about a lot of things and i find life to be actually quite amazing. hmm.

i'm chao tar now. i like to drink bubble tea from skimo. i think i should wake up earlier to pack my table before meeting j. i feel like shopping but everytime i think of my jobless status i feel emo and refuse to spend the money. ah my sports shoes spoiled i need to get a new pair. see i need a job. let's hope that i'll find some job to do meanwhile. i have dinner with gls tmrw and i'm so excited cause we've not been having an outing for long hm. ^^

oh btw, i don't like it that some people are so irritating aw.

i shall not bother about you,
i shall go and sleep!

angus, thongs, and perfect snogging.

2009-11-23T01:59:00.002+08:00

i knew better to keep myself busy than to watch dramas, listen to songs, and sing. cause these 3 things are what i shouldn't even attempt to do this holiday. i know the reason, and that's enough. but poof, i re-watched angus, thongs and perfect snogging on youtube and you get it.

Charlene, Jasmine and Teresa are trying to get me to go for YEP.
now the thing is, i want to but i don't want to waste unnecessary money. and it's unnecessary not because i think it's stupid or don't appreciate the committee's efforts but i really have to watch my finance according to my family's. and my dears, i appreciate it but i really wouldn't want each of you to spend an unnecessary amount of $15 on me.

it's 2am and i should brush my teeth now.
i shall write in my diary before going to la la land.

love,
you not.

19th

2009-11-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

Last fifteen minutes to listen to fifteen at the age of fifteen.
I'll be turning sixteen in a matter of minutes. Excited much? Not really.

The rain was heavy today, and with A's going on, we couldn't do much for trng.
I stood at the mrt station for an hour because i was too early!
Saw kajun and shikai at the station.
Dinner was at vivo with hillary esther and esther's cousin. Spent $10.30 @ carl's junior aiyo heart pain.
Took alot of pictures at the new shop. Uploaded on fb.
I'm currently addicted to posting random gl things on my twitter since it's connected to my phone and i just have to text in whenever i see gl things.
So be careful not to be too gl or noob in front of me cause i might just post about it on twitter straight away.
What a cliche to be using twitter but who cares anyw, it's great laugh!

Okay i shall do other things. Byebye:)

pain pain go away.

2009-11-19T12:11:00.002+08:00

I've been waking up at about 7 am everyday no matter what time i go to bed. I slept at 1 ytd, thinking of having 9 hrs of sleep but i woke up at 7 instead. My bio clock's still not in the holiday mood yet this is bad.

Cramps are hurting me badly. Screw that it came at a wrong time argh. I'm gonna pop some panadols. I can't stand ittttttttt. :(

Oh i was so bored ytd night i created twitter and had fun connecting it to my phone and adding it on sunnyyellowbananas hurhur. I never expected myself to even create an account on twitter but it's okay. Holidays are like that, makes people do things they never expected to huh.

Leaving house in another ten mins.
I'm gonna have some B&J's tonight! ;)

B/S?

2009-11-18T19:37:00.006+08:00

I've been having abnormal appetite and temper and mood for the past few days and yeah i guessed it. Ha-ha.

Anyw, i've been abandoning my eat-less-junk-food plan this hols and i think i should stop soon cause all the effort taken to exercise is going down the drain aw. But right, i'm having dinner outside tmrw, jap buffet on fri, and coffee club treat from sis someday! I'm so sorry i love food. Right charlene? Can't wait for our date too!

I feel like eating you up HAHAHAHA. :(
Trng tmrw. I hope we can play games again! :D
Okay i shall go and bathe and do some work. :O

p.s. please pray that i get the job i went for interview today!

oppsy daisy i hurt you again,

2009-11-17T10:31:00.005+08:00

I wanna paint this.
I wanna buy that baby blue.
I wanna buy both navy blue.
I wanna eat them all.
I don't wanna love you ha-ha.

I love dad mum sis kianseh jadon aunty alit popo uncles aunts cousins sarah sara esther kimberley yizhen hillary jasmine teresa charlene peiying cassandra bear and all my fwens. I opened up my eyes and learnt a lot. And all of you are great. (L)

Happy 2nd year wedding anniversary to ks and sis!

Sleepless nights,

2009-11-07T21:09:00.001+08:00

Another sleepless night
I'm still starin at the ceiling
I can hear him fightin
With her for no good reason
Will this ever end?
Will this house be a home again?
If I had my way
I'd corner him and say

Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Love's not enough when you say it
Don't you know you've gotta mean it
Screwin up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever

Another day goes by
And nothing changed, he's still the same
I can hear her cryin'
Thinkin she's the one to blame
Will this ever end?
Will this house be a home again?
If I had my way
I'd corner him and say

Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Love's not enough when you say it
Don't you know you've gotta mean it
Screwin up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Take her and make sure she feels it
Let her know you'll never let her go

Screwin up the best thing ever
Is something you'll regret forever
Another sleepless night
Nothing changed, he's still the same
Another stupid fight
And someone's gotta say

Put yourself in her position
All she needs is recognition
Take her and make sure she feels it
Let her know you'll never let her go

Poker king,

2009-11-05T20:51:00.003+08:00

All the teachers came into class today, but i guess lessons were all okay.
Mr Sng addressed the sch. Horrible, brainless and useless people. They should really get a life tsk.

Skipped the Christian meet for movie with the class. Was really in a dilemma but i thought since it's the last few times we're going out as classmates, so yeah. Thanks too, bear. For being decisive and giving me sound suggestions even over such small matters. :) Poker king, i think the story line's okay. But i like the entertainment value and stuffs. $6's worth it i guess. Lunch/dinner at xin wang hong kong cafe. I could have gotten the membership for $6.50 with $15 voucher since it was my birthday month. Yongsheng got it, but i didn't. And i didn't eat too. But the food looks good, and cousin said it is. So i think they had a good meal. Especially the guys omg.

Trained home and took a trip to ntuc.
I spent $5.70 on my dinner and some snacks. Yes i had maggie mee for dinner. So hungry ok! Mallow blast's kind of nice. Mum and sis like them too. It's only say $1 plus for a pack. Worth it right. I'm gonna stock up a few more packets at home huh.

Okay i blogged just for the sake of updating my blog.
My head is spinning and hurting. I guess it's due to the lack of sleep and i think i will off the comp and read my book and go to sleep earlier tonight.

Good night!

Eleven,

2009-11-04T19:28:00.002+08:00

Aha.

How does it feel to be a stepping stone for others?
Today is (i think) the second time i'm playing soccer in my 15 years of life.
It's really tiring and addictive. And it's fun to play as a class! When shall be me third time of soccer? Anyone? :D
I'm craving for soft shell crab hand roll. Who wants to buy it for me?
Managed to play part 1 for polka. Improved quite alot, so proud of myself.
I've been tempted by alot of people and things to pon sch tmrw but being a good girl, i decided to do otherwise. Second last day of school already, can one la right.
I feel the stress for GCE O-levels HCL paper on 10th nov helllooooooo. Screw that.
I can't wait for friday to come, and yet i dread it too.
Best thing to look forward to, sunday. Can't wait for my date with j! ^^
I don't want 11th nov to come cause from that day on, O-levels will start to end one by one for different groups of people and many fun places will be flooded with people and i don't like to squeeze and i enjoy strolling around libraries reading my books while they're stuffing their heads in piles of textbooks and guide books and wks. I know this is evil but i decided honesty is the best policy. Go on and swear at me for all you want. :D
I shall take my bath and do whatever i want now.
I'm so tired. Not just of today, but of you and your nonsense aw. :(

Bye.

Just do nothing,

2009-11-03T21:01:00.003+08:00

And so i decided to give myself a break and enjoy my day.
It's not as if i've been very productive with my hcl revision but yknow, i can't find the motivation.
And my tummy is hurting badly, like on and off. Screw that.

Lessons were okay today. Year 5 comprehension looks a little too scary and challenging for me. But on a brighter note, functions and arithmetic progressions & geometric progressions have been quite manageable. Though I'm not super duper good, i realise i love math. I like the sense of accomplishment when you finally manage to solve the problem. Really do. (Y)
Played vball with many people i never used to. We started balling with a scorching hot sun shining, followed by the rain that was small and irritating, followed by the super cooling wind with some sunshine. Good game, and i was laughing at almost everything. Probably due to the excessive amount of sleep yesterday night?

Took a trip to the supermarket on the way home. I was there for a kinder surprise cause my mouth was itching for it but i got a bar of kinder bueno instead. Sean was there too. Stocking up his junk food like a refugee. Haha, treat me when you get a job and a pay la friend!

Did i mention my tummy is hurting?
Okay i did but, it still hurts la sian.

I submitted the cca option form at 5 plus this morning.
Weird choices but whatever.

Someone tell me when my cough will stop completely?
It's kind of irritating.

I shall enjoy my kinder bueno nao. :)

Another sunday,

2009-11-01T22:07:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was halloween. There was a group of teenagers dressing up as bloody brides and devils going around the mall. I was staring at their make-up and they scared a girl beside me and the girl screamed and i laughed non-stop. No it wasn't funny. But i just felt like laughing at that instant.

Service and cell was good today. Talked alot during processing and i guess the fellowship was good. Stoning around after that. I managed to conquer rgs' hcl paper before switching on the comp so yay, accomplishment?

I shall do something productive now bye.

Another goodnight,

2009-10-30T18:52:00.002+08:00

In the heat of the fight;
I walked away.
Ignoring words that you were saying,
Tryna make me stay.
I said, "This time I had enough."
And you've called a hundred times,
But I'm not pickin' up.
'Cause I'm so mad, I might tell you that it's over.
But if you look a little closer,

I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles; screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

Me and my stupid pride
Sittin' here, alone.
Going through the photographs,
Staring at the phone.
I keep going back over
The things we both said.
And I remember the slammin' door,
And all the things that I misread.
Baby you know everything,
Tell me why you couldn't see
That when I left I wanted you to
Chase after me?

And I scream out the window,
"I can't even look at you, I don't need you,"
But I do, I do, I do.
See, there's nothing you can say
To make right again, I mean it,
I mean it
What I mean is

I said, "Leave," baby all I really want is you
To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles; screaming, "I'm in love with you."
Wait there in the pourin' rain,
Come back for more.
And don't you leave,
'cause I know all I need
is on the other side of the door.

With your face, and your beautiful eyes,
And the conversation,
With the little white lies.
And the faded picture
Of a beautiful night
You carry me from your car
up the stairs
And I'm broke-down cryin'
Wish we weren't this messed,
After everything in that little black dress
After everything, I must confess,
I need you

I'm over your lies,

2009-10-28T05:58:00.003+08:00

Who am i to judge.
Who am i to hate.
Who am i to choose who to love.
Who am i to choose what I'll gain.
Who am i to fight for something i promise God I'll surrender to Him?
Who am i to break this promise.

God, I'm sorry.

Hungry much.
Off to school soon!

And it shall be a good day,
much much better than yours.
:)

Disappointment(s),

2009-10-27T21:38:00.005+08:00

It's hello to school again tmrw after a weekend and 2 days of MC. I wanted to be absent tmrw as well considering that i have another day to go before my MC ends but tmrw's SH prep prog and i guess it's kind of necessary to be there. Whatever. I've been feeling hungry and nauseous at the same time from my stronger-than-usual antibiotics. And i still feel like vomiting when i consume too oily food like my cake with some whipped cream earlier on in the noon. So i guess I'll still stick to plain food tmrw?

Sucks much.
But on a brighter note, thanks alot to everyone who showed me concern, asked me to get well soon, drink more water, sleep more, stop using computer, eat medicine on time, eat vitamin, and kept checking on my condition every now and then. Especially mummy who made such delicious plain porridge. And Jadon, for bringing me joy even though i was really sick and weak and could faint any time. Of course, my God who kept watch over me too. But you? Forget it.

I did a rough planning of my holiday in the evening. And i see where I'm going. I suppose so. And i guess so. Pack it up haw.

That's it.

2009-10-27T10:30:00.004+08:00

As of today, i officially declare that i'm very sick of disappointments.
Ha-ha-ha.

I should have known better than to aim for something i'll never achieve.
I should have some zi4 zhi1 zhi1 ming2.
I should have placed my hopes on low.
I should have just treated this eoys like any other quizzes.
I should have just aimed for a gpa of 2.4.

So that when i fall, it won't hurt so badly.

I used to fail 4 out of 7 papers for end-of-year examinations.
This time round, i didn't.
Something to be happy about? No thanks.
I wanted much more than this. Maybe you'll think i'm a loser, that i've done better than many other people. But please, my aim is not just to promote.

Well, there goes my hopes and my dreams.
Who said hard work pays off. I studied like some idiot and i have to see my grades and gpa get dragged down. All my hard work and efforts for the past 10 months went down the drain. All because of 7 pathetic papers.

Cmon peishan, think of what subject combination you can take with your noob results now.
And start considering what cca you'll take up here in dunman high school senior high worhxz.
This sucks as much as when you lose something you treasured and have placed your hopes upon.

Yay i'm a loser i'm a loser i'm a loser i'm a loser i'm a loser. Nothing i do will ever turn out well and successful. Nothing will ever go my way. Nothing, just NOTHING. Just like who i am, nothing.
Peishan i'm so laughing at your idiotness and stupidity and noobness and screwed-upness.

And of all days, just when i'm ill.

I am sick ha-ha.

2009-10-26T10:35:00.006+08:00

Hellohellohellohello.

I couldn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up and staring at the ceiling, wrapping myself in a thick jacket and a thick blanket. And so i woke up at 6 hoping to prepare myself to go to school. And then i realise my temperature was 38.9. I slept for another half an hour, hoping my temperature will drop but guess what. It went on fluctuating until it hit 39.2 and finally 39.5 at the clinic. I think my brain got a little fried and I couldn't even walk properly. But i guess it wasn't as bad as the guy at the clinic with a temperature of 39.7. :O

My fever was accompanied with cough, swollen throat, running nose, blocked nose.
And i have 5 different types of medicine to take now, 5 tablets of antibiotics running nose swollen throat fever and 10ml of cough syrup at one go. Hurhur. It's been long since i fell so sick. And well, the doctor said i have h1n1 symptoms. I have 3 days mc, and if i don't recover by then, see me in the hospital. Haha i doubt i will la. God is watching over me:)

So yeah talking about 3 days mc, i don't know what I'm going to do to my exam scripts. And senior high preparatory programme hm.

Oh well, let's just hope I'll recover soon.

(1934)
I've been sleeping a lot and waking up only when i have to eat sth and take my medicine. No appetite at all. I feel like vomiting after every meal ha-ha. My nose kind of stopped running but my throat hurts more than before and i totally lost my voice just now. My fever's back with 39.0 degrees Celsius whee.

I just had my plain porridge and medicine an hour ago, accompanied with 2 tablets of vitamins. Gotta take my antibiotics in 2 hrs' time and wake up in the night to take my medicine again. This sucks. 2 out of my 5 medicine makes me drowsy. So yes, every time i take my medicine, i'll get drowsy and sleep. Then when i wake up, it's time to eat something and take my medicine again. And then i'll get drowsy and go to sleep again. It's a vicious cycle. :(

I shall play bejeweled nao.

Please, i need to get well so that i can go to school tmrw.
To hell with the 3 days mc.

I assume you've given up,

2009-10-26T01:12:00.003+08:00

I coughed till me throat almost bled.
And my nose is blocked.
And hi, my temperature went from 37.6>37.8>38.3>38.7>38.9>38.8>38.9. Much higher than in the morning hurhur. Cool or what.

Jadon kept crying, and my mum scolded him, and i slept too much in the day. So currently, i can't fall asleep. I'll wake up every half an hr and find myself staring at the ceiling. I just took my cough syrup to soothe my throat. It hurts quite a lot. I hope I'll at least have my voice tomorrow.

I need to get well by 6am so that i can go to school and check my exam scripts.

I had a nice dream the night before.
But people say, dreams never come true.

Then can mine be the exception?

The end?

2009-10-25T18:21:00.004+08:00

And yes, i fell sick today.

I woke up without my voice, with the throat sore, with my head hurting and spinning, feeling nauseous with a temperature of 37.6>38.0>37.7>38.0>38.3>38.6>38.7>38.8. It just went on fluctuating. I didn't attend service and it's really disappointing cause Liwen and Lydia were there today. Sigh, I'm always falling sick at the wrong time.

I took some herbal tea in the morning and panadols in the noon. Now, my mum just gave me 2 vitamins. And I slept almost the whole day away.
I'm feeling much better than in the morning but i can't seem to eat anything. I tried having my dinner but for the past hour after eating, i feel very nauseous.

Checking of scripts tomorrow, i can't be absent right? Or maybe not.
I'm excited to see how i did for eoys but I'm also very afraid to be disappointed.
Oh well, good luck to me.

Btw, i got a job! Will be going for trng sometime after sch ends and then I'll get to work.
I'm pretty much excited. Can't wait!

(2034)
Cough just came along and my fever is back helloooooo.
Darn.

I've given every breath i've got,

2009-10-25T00:50:00.007+08:00

I'm having muscle aches.
My toe nail broke.
My throat feels sore.
My stomach cramp's hurting badly and so is my back.
I see my wisdom tooth today. It's growing out and i feel the pain.
My head is hurting due to the lack of sleep.

I'm feeling pain at different parts of my body hurhur.

Today was breakfast with bird>job interview(please pray that i got the job!)>chalet>home. Tiring.
Tomorrow will be church>lunch>Sentosa. Another tiring day it's gonna be.

I should be working on my HCL O-levels in some way but i don't have the slightest bit of motivation to do so. And i don't want to flunk it. Eoys papers will be released in 2 days' time. I don't know if i should be happy or sad but all i know is, I'm very worried now.

Whatever.

On a brighter note,
bsp people are coming back today. Yizhen and Sarah!
Can't wait to see them and have our usual noisy mornings tsk.

p.s, the weather is freaking hot! (N)

p.s.s, playing ard with pfs can be quite fun haha.

How many times,

2009-10-24T10:15:00.003+08:00

If you're over and done with, let me know.
If there's still love and there's still hope, let me know.
Let me be hurt once and for all.
Stop being hot and cold cause it's torturing and
that sucks.

Get back up,

2009-10-22T05:14:00.004+08:00

Things change, people change, everything changes.

I realise i can't take my eyes off couples. But whatever. Hahaa.

Hcl lesson was as usual, revision papers. Yesterday's was paper 2 and i managed to finish the whole set just on time. I guess it's kind of like the first time i managed to do that this year. Talking about that, other classes got back their hcl eoys papers and i guess it might be our turn today or dno when? Ah shit no i dwan to flunk. I'm not prepared to receive my results like hello hello hello:(

Horrible.

I attended guitar club's open class ytd. It's really different when you're into learning something instead of playing it on your own. I never knew so much about guitar. I took quite some time to get a hang of it. Guitar isn't very easy to learn, but i'm enjoying it. Thank God so much for the chance. I'll practice it well.

I slept at about eight plus yesterday and i woke up say half an hour ago. I think my bio clock went a little insane. But it's k since exams are over and I'm only left with the grades and HCL O's to worry about. I need my As and Bs, i really need them.

I know it sounds funny but I'm feeling the stress for O's students. I wonder why.
Really hope they'll make use of every minute to study. Good luck and all the best. Jiayou!

It's gonna be a long day today.
Time to bathe.

Aha-ha.

2009-10-20T22:56:00.003+08:00

Intensive hcl lesson was as horrible as usual.

Sitting in front of the guys was kind of irritating yet fun. I don't know, i felt so irritated at the noise they were producing cause i was freaking trying to concentrate and finish up my essays. But some of their conversations were so funny i had to burst out laughing. The most epic joke of the day, jing1 rong2 hai3 xiao4 = tsunami? I have totally no idea who wrote that hor? Tsk.

Subway for lunch. The cashier was super funny. HA-HA. Julie and julia was quite a nice show despite all the cooking stuffs involved. Now, someone's tempted to eat my cheesecake again hm. Walked around alot, wanted to buy alot, went off trying to control myself alot. It's k, let's wait for the next date! Thanks for the company today. :)

So yeah, today was great. Till on my way home hurhur.
I know it was peak hour and you're rushing home for your dinner, drama, whatever. But please don't use your freaking body to squeeze people up the train. And to you whoever whatever idiot who's hand was dno where, please. Have some respect like cmon. I'm sorry but you idiot, don't let me see you again.

And great, to have horrible gastric pain on my way home.
It was so pain i almost had to stop and squat down in the middle of nowhere.
But i didn't and whatever.

Ah I'm gonna stop here.
Another 3.5 hours tomorrow so fun hurhur.

K bye.

2009-10-20T06:09:00.002+08:00

I get it.
It's just that i don't want to accept it.

Do you?

2009-10-19T19:34:00.009+08:00

"Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there's only love or don't love. Since you love him, do it now."
-I Believe You.

Funny how a 87 pages long novel made me shed tears. I know, but is he ever going to give me a chance to love him again? I read through symphonisedlove, every single one of them. And i can't help but keep crying and crying. I chose to break up, thinking that I'll make the better out of myself without him. But I've never known how much i really love him. He's not the same, he's just not the same as any guy out there. I know he's pretty messed up at times, but so am i. Why have i not learnt to see my own flaws and accept his. Why did i choose what i had chosen 4 months and a week ago. I know I've let him down, and i guess i have made a lot of stupid decisions and moves all these while. Every night when i go to sleep, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that something will happen to him. I'm afraid that something bad will happen to him. I can hide all my feelings, but if anything happens to him, what's ever going to become of me? I want to tell him how much i love him. I want to tell him that after these 4 months, I've never pulled myself together. I can smile and laugh my days off but it doesn't help the slightest bit. Everyday when i wake up, i think of you, i yearn for you.

When i study,
i think of you.

When i was taking my exams,
i thought of you.

When i read,
i think of you.

When i listen to When I'm With You,
i think of you.

When i eat wanton mee,
i think of you.

When i go to the esplanade,
i think of you.

When i travel to boonlay,
i think of you.

When i go to ps,
i think of you.

Everywhere i go,
i pray that I'll meet you.

I know my heart hurts everytime i think of you,
but i just let myself immerse in thoughts of you,
in your words and our memories.

I choose to go places that you might go, just for that 0.00000000000001 percent of chance to meet you. Months ago when you saw me at outram, i went there after my revision in hopes of seeing you. I never did, but deep inside me i still believe i will.

26 November 2018.
Do you still remember your promise for that day?
And you said you'll take me on the flyer one day.

All these, i expect no more.
I just want you to be safe every single day.
I'm telling you now in case there's no tomorrow;
Please know that till the end,

I'd still love you.

xia ceh.

2009-10-19T14:18:00.004+08:00

http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou1.htm

I think it's quite a nice and touching story. That link has got chapter 1 to 11 only. But thank God liwen's lending me her sis' so i can finish up the book! Click on the link and read it too! (Y)

I've been programme-less this weekend and it really sucks because exams are over and I'm doing nothing everyday. It's alright. Tomorrow wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday. ^^ But before that, i need to get my job. Cause eoys are ending/have ended for most schools and O's and A's will end soon too. Getting a job is so frustrating. Argh! :(

I'm heading to the library probably tomorrow or the day after to borrow some cheena books. I have to brush up my Chinese you see. And I'll have to finish up Chinese homework tonight and do some revision. I can't really imagine myself accomplishing these tonight but yknow, i have to try.

Okay i shall do some planning for this holidays.
I shall keep myself occupied every single second.

Maths later! (no I'm not crazy)

When i looked you in the eye,

2009-10-18T22:11:00.004+08:00

I'm drinking some organic-pear-mixed-with-still-water juice. It's for my nephew and sis but i'm allowed to drink a few packets so yup. It's really nice. There's the apple one too. Today was bedok>expo>simei>bedok>eunos>bedok. Nothing much. Wanted to play badminton with cousins but was getting late so we went home instead. Next time! I'm feeling very tired and defeated today. It's really time i learn my lesson. Move on peishan,
move on cause he has.

I'm a pedophile C:

2009-10-17T19:22:00.004+08:00

I spent my day jogging eating computering eating computering eating sleeping computering. I guess all the jogging was pretty useless. And kianseh said, jogging makes girls' legs fatter. Can someone tell me if it's true cause if it is, I'm gonna stop. Sighzx.

I've only balled once since the hols ended. I really want to ball again for a few hrs straight like i used to. I don't mind some tanning and vballing at sentosa. Or some keesiao badminton in school or at some cc. Or a freezing cold activity called bowling. Ahem I'm hinting.

I think i should start working on my hcl soon. A's cert is supposed to be filled with As right? Okay at least i hope so. And since i want an A, i should put in effort and prevent it from not happening. Okay i think i should. I shall spend time on Chinese everyday from now on. (Y)

Btw, i think i have a very crazy mum. Today we were waiting for the traffic light and the sun was scorching hot. I went to press the traffic light button and stood at the small portion of the shadow of the tree. I turned and told my mum, there's shade to shelter myself from the sunlight. And my mum ran under the tree where the shade was of a larger portion and exclaimed HAHA mine's better. -_- Okay maybe you don't but i find it very funny. Mind you my mum is in her late fifties and she did that in front of the other pedestrians at the traffic light. So cute tsk. :)

I've got lots of things to do tonight and that includes transporting some maths papers to some person at an ungodly hour of 10.30pm. But it's alright, i can take a walk after staying at home for almost the whole day.

p.s Justin bieber is cute!

Keeping you in prayer;
Don't give up, be strong.

for you,

2009-10-17T06:44:00.005+08:00

It's funny how my heart broke when i learnt about it. I shdn't be caring about these, i shdn't even be bothering. Now that it's all set in place, move on and make the best out of it. You said you'll grab every opportunity. Go on and do much much better than anyone can ever imagine you will. Your love ones will all be there for you. Keep going, promise me you won't give up.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith,

16 October 2009,

2009-10-16T19:47:00.006+08:00

"I come to realise that nothing is right or wrong, like how we always looked at things when we were young."

It's funny how teachers and parents teach their children what is right or wrong when they knew all along that once we step into teenagers life, there's only what you think is right or wrong. Irony. I've really come to realise that life is unfair. We always think that the life or circumstance we're in is the worst anyone can ever come across. But we never learn that there is indeed someone somewhere out there, leading a life we can never imagine we'll lead. It may be good, it may be bad. But as much as life is unfair, God doesn't make anyone perfect. Flaws and shortcomings will exist.

Human beings are creatures that are unique yet complicated. It's not easy to get along with everyone. I'm a perfectionist. And that adds on to my struggle of battling with myself and with others to accept things as they are. Many times, i disappoint the people i love and even myself. Disappointments are common in my life. And i think some people are but huge disappointments in my life. I'm still trying to accept things as they are, but i need time. I'm sorry but i'll try to love you my friend.

A word's just a word till you mean what you said.

2009-10-16T05:43:00.005+08:00

Hi yesterday i had 3.5 hrs of hcl and i was battling with my eyes so that they won't close.
I jogged in the morn and played ball in the afternoon. Long time since i did all these so yay.
I slept from 430pm ytd till about half an hour ago. Though i woke up for dinner, that was still 12 whole hours of sleep.
Bowling todayz. Didn't feel like going to school but i decided to be a good girl:)
I'm gonna start my IHM tmrw!
I have no idea why my posts are becoming random tsk.
I still feel like sleeping @#$%^&*(
Okay i shall get ready for school now bye!

"You're a great disappointment in my life."

there and then,

2009-10-14T23:08:00.003+08:00

My stomach hurts.
So does my ankle.
I'm wondering if i injured it by accident or sth.
Weight loss talk was hello.
2.5 hrs of hcl was even more hello.
Writing 2 compo was the hello-est.
Window-shopping with j today. I like. (Y)
All in all, a crazy day.

3.5 hrs of hcl tmrw hiiiiiiiiiii.

It's time i let go,
I'm leaving you alone.

2009-10-14T06:09:00.004+08:00

Some people ask for a hundred over dollars every time they want to shop and they get it.
But they never knew people around the world can use the money for their meals for at least a few weeks.

Some people look at money as any other paper.
But they never knew that some people out there don't even have the chance to feel the material of the paper.

Some people complain about what countries their parents have never bothered to bring them to.
But they never knew that some people don't even have the chance to be on a plane.

Some people value money above family.
But they never knew the importance of the latter.

Random thoughts and their impact.
I'm guilty of some of these of course, but i guess it's good that we reflect.

2009-10-13T23:47:00.003+08:00

IHL starts tmrw, with weight loss talk and some scholarship talk crap. They should just commence the telematch and campfire instead. Hurhur fat hope. I've put on weight from all the eat-and-mug sessions and class chalet no. I need to exerciseeeeeeeeee. I'm still laughing at Dillon's dou3 chu1 lai2 sentence whenever i think about it. I don't feel like going to school tmrw. I feel like changing my hairstyle and I'm pretty serious about it hurhur. I want to sleep nao goodnight.

Disappointment.

2009-10-13T17:10:00.003+08:00

I should stop listening to songs and immersing myself in lyrics cause it's really way too much.
Liar and lies.

Over.

2009-10-10T00:58:00.004+08:00

It's 0058 now. Twelve hours and fifty-eight mins after the last paper. I screwed quite a few papers up and now, i can only pray and hope for miracles to happen. 3.4 is gone like that. Gone in those hands of mine, those ink of my pens. Disappointed? Yes, definitely. Especially with my careless mistakes. But I'm proud to say I've put in a lot of effort for this eoys. So I'm not gonna dwell on it for too long. Cause now, I can't do anything about it anymore. What's mine will be mine. I had pepper lunch with jasmine after the paper. I went for my hair cut. I went for dental. And I went to meet up with the girls. Two dots and many deeeeeeees to them tsk. People asked why i locked my blog. I locked it because i felt like it. And i shall unlock it when i feel like too hurhur. I've got to wake up in 4 hours' time and it's past 1 now. Okay maybe i should really go and sleep. Dark eye rings are horrible and Ive put on weight from all the eat-sit-study-for-hours sessions. (i think) I'm going for a run on Sunday!

It all flows.

2009-10-06T22:53:00.004+08:00

God, i think I'm going crazy studying all about curves and straight lines and statistics and probability and matrices and everything else. Emaths is supposed to be my strong subject. But when the topics all come tgt, they flood me like some tsunami. I'm not sure if i can do it tmrw. I'm afraid i'll forget all the formulaes, or how to approach the question. Or I'll simply stare at the questions and stone. God i need my A in the paper. I need to get my A or A+ for my emaths. And i got to have faith in you. And by faith I'm going to sleep and let my brain rest now. I'll read through the formulaes again tmrw and God, i just ask for wisdom and your anointing on how to solve the questions. And God i know you're always there. Please let your daughter complete the paper with faith, confidence and excellence. :(

Tomorrow will be a good day.
I can do it, with God whom nothing is impossible to Him.

This mess we're in, you know it's just so out of hand.

2009-10-05T06:57:00.002+08:00

Enough,

2009-10-04T20:00:00.003+08:00

I was feeling much better this morning.
Until cell when my nose started to block and my head started to spin and my throat started to sore and i felt nauseous with a splitting headache. I hanged on and trained to city hall to study cause I've wasted two whole days sleeping and i can't afford another day doing the same. Did 2 hrs of maths and trained to popo's house for dinner.

I just got home and my nose's still blocked and my throat still feels sore and I'm still feeling drowsy. But i told myself I'll finish up my maths and continue with my physics revision tonight. Yes i don't know how to take care of myself ha.

But who cares. Next Sunday, i wouldn't be having my ass stuck on a chair at some fast food outlet mugging my brain dry. HURHUR.

I have a lot of random thoughts on my mind today, both good and bad.
And i realise how much i hate insensitivity.

(So what, I just love it.)

Wrong time,

2009-10-03T15:50:00.006+08:00

My nose is running.
My throat is sore.
My back is aching.
My head hurts.

Of all days, why now.
Whyyyyyyy?
I'm halfway done with eoys, just another half to go. I don't want to screw up my stronger subjects.

Flu bug, won't you please go and leave me alone for now?

-
(22.36)
I took a flu pill and slept for an hour before my nephew started crying and waking me up from my sleep. Managed to work on my revision for matrices and am finishing circular measure soon. Great accomplishment considering that i have an act fit nose that's running at a speed of a sneeze per min. I used up 3/4 of a toilet roll in 5 hrs ha. If this goes on, i'm gonna get screwed. Throat's still sore but yeah i can still study with that. I just feel like ranting so yeah. Warm water's nice when you're having a flu. K whatever i'm going to continue doing my maths. Please pray for me, i need to get well. :(

Three.

2009-10-02T16:30:00.003+08:00

I wrote till my arms are sore and now i have some hardened skin and blisters on my fingers whee. Today was yet another excessive writing day. But thank God, 4 subjects done! 3 more papers to go and they'll all be dowwwwwnnnnnnn.

Movies job-searching novels class chalet webcam hiking clique outing cell outing or chalet volleyball wild wild wet work percussion christmas service gatherings outings and everything wheee. Jiayun we shall have some quality bimbo time too!

Okay they shall remain as my beautiful dreams for the next 7 days. After that, muahahaha.
I know i sound crazy, but i was like this the moment mdm low said "Alright, time's up." I think i'm crazy. I had too much sleep yesterday night. Excessive energy in me hoho.

I shall use my excessive energy to pack my room now.
It looks like it got affected by the 7.6 magnitude earthquake or sth. HAHAHA.
Okokokok, byebye!

ijklmnyz.

Five.

2009-10-01T16:06:00.004+08:00

I flunked today's papers really badly. My mind went blank when i saw paper 1 and the different questions which i totally had no idea what to write. Lest to say writing a good compo. And for paper two? Just forget about it. I was hoping for a B for my over all grade but i guess it's a gone case now ha. It's gonna pull down my gpa and it means i'll have to see your face for the next two years. Aw. :(

And of all days, it came at the wrong time. Cramps and backache were hurting me so badly. Attempted to revise geog on the bus but i was stoning half the time. I'm supposed to be taking my nap now but i'm doing geog instead. Everything just doesn't seem to go as i plan. Sigh.

Tmrw's a hectic day. Chemistry and geography papers? I bet they're gonna be a killer. I'm trying to study geography now but my cramps refuse to cooperate and be gone. I guess i have to resort to me second dose of panadol today. Sigh.

Alright, i just spent six minutes typing this post and i should get back to coasts now.

Please pray for me, i need the wisdom and strength for tomorrow.
I can do it, jut as God says!

Happy Children's Day:)

2009-10-01T05:32:00.004+08:00

Hi Chinese, i'm gonna make you look smart in my essays and paper 2 today. :)

In eight hours' time, it'll be 2 papers down.
Who says i can't do it!

YCDI.

2009-09-29T21:57:00.001+08:00

I decided to be irritating ha.
Ten more hours.
Great.

It's back,

2009-09-29T08:34:00.003+08:00

Twenty four more hours damn it damn it damn it. I'm freaking scared now okay yes i am. I thought i was finally being normal since i didn't feel the extreme exam stress. Okay now it's back. I know eoys will end in 10 days but i can't imagine myself sitting in front of the table racing against time paper after paper. Worse still, I'm scared of disappointing myself. Sometimes the more effort you put in, the higher expectation you'll have and it hurts even more when you fall. Perhaps I'm being paranoid. Everyone told me that i can do it, that they have faith in me. I guess i should have some faith in myself too?

Either way, eoys still commence in twenty four hours so there's no point grumbling here. I shall do my revision for LA now.

Half a cup of milk,

2009-09-28T00:04:00.004+08:00

I didn't attend service today.
Accompanied my mum and jadon to the market. We had fun chatting with all the aunties and uncles there. And my arms had fun carrying jadon to and fro the market. I realise i got my "lame" genes from my mum.

-loaf of bread fell off the rack at shop n save-
mummy: wah 面包跳楼!
me: _._

Okay it's not very funny but just imagine a 50 sth mother saying this to her teenage daughter.

Went to meet Sarah for lunch and studying session together.
It was so noisy i almost turned myself deaf by blasting my mp3.
Bused back and met yizhen for dinner. I ate a quarter of double cheese (raw beef) burger meal. The meat was uncooked and red. I want to vomit at the thought of it nooo. I didn't study there in the end, but i chatted quite alot with her. Thanks darling.

I had two MacDonald's meal in a day, topped with an apple pie. It a miracle my sore throat didn't get worse and in fact, it got better ha.

Eoys starts in 2 days' time yay. Yay your freaking head wtp i feel the exams stress (all of a sudden). I thought this year might be different. But i guess I'm still not that immune to examinations after all. Yea i should be studying now, but i took a break to blog cause i almost went crazy doing 2 chemistry papers at one go.

I shall go on fb before i go to bed.
I shall finish up rivers and weather and climate tmrw.
I shall be productive with my revision tmrw.

People come and go in your life. I guess it's true. It's often people who are so close and precious to you that the impact caused is so great. I've gained, and I've lost. Now i have to move on. I guess I'm tired of everything. Let go and be strong. If it's yours, it will always be.
Yes, I've lost both. But i once had you both.

I'm different from others, i have to go through much more.
But perhaps it's God's way of shaping me.
When you've lost more, you'll learn to treasure what you may gain in the future.
Many a times when you think the world has come to an end, it never did.
Go on peishan, you're not going to give up.
You're a strong girl, hang on.

The basic lava that kills.

2009-09-26T23:11:00.005+08:00

Why must the 26th always make great impacts in my life?

Today was a very very very bad day. Probably one of the worst in my 16 years of life. I've cried till my eyes hurt. And so do my tummy and head and heart. I tried studying to keep my mind occupied. I studied, i wrote, i drew, i did everything. But unfortunately, my mind refuses to cooperate and tears streamed down endlessly. I stopped just because i know it'll hurt others to see me like this. I resorted to sleeping. And who says when you wake up, everything that happened will seem like a dream? When i woke up, it hurts me even more that i'm back to reality. I wanted to give up on myself, but i didn't. I always believed i had the best, till today. I'm stupid, stupid enough to make stupid choices. 2009 hasn't been great.

I've not lost one, i've lost both.
Noble choice peishan? That's the greatest joke you've ever come up with.

I've done what i could.
Why wouldn't you listen? Why wouldn't you try?
And have you never known that when i said all those words to you, it hurts me just as much inside?

A good man wouldn't give up on his family halfway, but loves and supports the family till he dies.
Please, stop being so stubborn.

acidsbasessaltsqariversweatherandclimate.

2009-09-26T06:40:00.004+08:00

Yes okay i broke my promise. I touched my comp. I turned it on. I'm using the internet and blogging here at some 6.41am on a Saturday morning. This sucks okay, i admit.

I have no idea if I've studied too much or I've been slacking too much. As the exams are drawing near, I'm actually losing my motivation to study. I've been telling people it's the last lap, cmon don't give up now. 13 more days to eoeoys. What am i doing now. Who's the one giving up now. My bio clock had to screw up at the wrong time. I slept for 7 hrs the day before, and 10 hrs plus ytd. Argh.

Everything's going out of hand.
Someone tell me where's a good place to study.
I'm going to kill myself now.

I shall be a pessimist (just) today.
4 more days to eoys.

And supposedly 2 to 2.

Today i'm here hanging on, and i bet you've given up.
I should stop being naive.

Change in enthalphy, positive.

2009-09-23T23:57:00.004+08:00

The internet is a total big fat distraction.

Comp broke down say twenty days ago and i refused to get it repaired because i was afraid of getting myself distracted and screwing up my revision and eoys. And today, kianseh lent me his laptop so that i can read the slides and articles on the internet. I thought i'd have some self-control and use it appropriately. But i've been spending much of my time on msn, emails, fb, youtube and blogger. I just wasted 3 hrs watching tv today, and now another hour on the computer. Tell me i'm insane. Seven more days, 168 more hours, 10080 minutes, 604800 seconds. Or rather i have lesser than that now cause as i calculate and type on this wonderful space on a site called blogger, i've wasted more than 60 seconds. Great great great. Damn the distractions. I need to and i want to study.

Bye comp, hope (not) to see you again for the next sixteen days.
Yes sixteen, countdown to eoeoys.

I'll be a free (wo)man then.

Do something.

2009-09-22T19:52:00.007+08:00

Yes yes no yes okay no no bad.

"You took something from me right?"
"What?"
"You took my breath away."

Ask and you'll receive.

2009-09-04T20:03:00.005+08:00

The start of September holidays shall mark the start of my very intensive mugging period.

For the past few hrs, I've been on track for my study-smart-and-sleep-well plans so many thumbs up! Aiyah i only got two but i can always borrow some ha.

Well, this week hasn't been very pleasing, especially with all the crap going on. Spoiler. But on a brighter note, I've been doing quite well for the assignments we received this week. I've been going around advertising but no I'm not proud and non-humble over this. It's just that I'm happy for what i reap from what i have been sowing. And to some, i told yall probably because yall are the more impt people in my life. People who mugged with me, encouraged me on, and hear me cry during times when i fail to achieve what I've aimed for. So thanks, especially to kianseh, sis, mum, peiying, cassandra, charlene, shikai. That brings me back to think that there's really a plan in everything God presents to you. For me, I'm easily stressed out, disappointed and discouraged. But i believe my family and friends are people God have sent to spur and push me on in life. So yup, thanks again and i really appreciate all of you in my life. :)

Of course, there may be some people who have disappointed and hurt me badly all these while. I admit I've been having a grudge against, but as much as I'm still trying to forgive and forget, as much as I'm trying to look on the bright side and love you, i really hope you'll at least stop all your nonsense.

Oh well, that's society no?

There are people you can really get along with, there are people who just disappoint you greatly.
We can only learn from it, and better prepare ourselves to handle such issues in the future.

I'm still learning, and I'm still trying.
But for now, please stop being a nuisance in my life.

p.s that mosquito bite on my sole is itching me badly. :(

I CAN.

2009-09-03T05:40:00.001+08:00

Last lap for this week, i'm not gonna waste another minute and regret.

Go peishan!
Even if the world disappoints you, don't disappoint yourself.

"Your labour will not be in vain."